I did not accomplish much that first Monday. I spent time with Tim and his family. We spent time outside, hanging out by the pool. They flew home on Tuesday.
Back to Monday--Josh received a call from the psychic, Jackie, who we had contacted before Gary's death. I feel I must give some background and insight on some of my beliefs and interests. Yes, I believe in ghosts, spirits. Yes, I believe there are negative/evil spirits or ghosts, but there are more good and loving ones than bad. I know my house is inhabited with spirits. My house, not only is a revolving door for spirits, but also has two spirits who exist here daily. There was a time, until just recently when there were three in residence. I banished the adult male. He had negative energy. I would wake to him standing by my bed, evil surrounding him. I would scream and scoot over to cower in fear next to Gary. He had learned over the years to just pat my leg and soothingly tell me that the spirit was gone. Gary told me he never saw or felt the man. I talk to the spirits. I tell them to go into the light, to go to God. I tell them they can only stay awhile and only if they mean no harm. I have an adult female here as well. She would hold Rachel, cuddle with her, when Rachel would be upset when Gary and I had our fights. I have a child spirit. The child would play with Rachel. Zach would not talk much about them, although I knew he saw them. Ajay would scream and cry and ask me to tell them to leave his room. He did not want them here. I would tell them to leave the room. Ajay's room was his haven. Forbidden to them.
I would be the last one to leave the house in the mornings. I would shut the bedroom doors. I would push on them to make sure they were securely shut and fastened. I would be the first one home. Rachel's door would be open most days. A little eerie at times. Ajay told me recently that if he came home first, he would open all the bedroom doors. He would then go watch tv. He said that quite frequently Rachel's door would slam shut. No, the window was not open.
A few months back, I awoke to a male standing next to me. I screamed, but instead of cowering in fear, I jumped out of bed and chased it into the closet. Gary, calmly informed me to come back into bed. It was gone. I have not been bothered since.
Okay, Jackie, the Psychic. When she called Josh a week after Gary's death, Josh informed her of Gary's passing. Immediately, she told Josh that Gary was coming through. He was there with her, talking to her. Jackie said she could come to my house. You see, she had given Rachel and I a reading sometime in late 2010 or early 2011. She wanted to come see my spirits. She told Rachel and I that there were 3 ghosts in the house and many who came and went. There was no way she could know this. Jackie also informed us of other things that were private. Josh called me to confirm the date and time. While he was talking with me, Jackie called him again. I told Josh to answer her call, confirm the date and time and call me back. When Josh called me back, he was very emotional. He informed me some of the things Gary was saying. Gary told Jackie to tell us that when Lucky the dog barks, he will be with us. Lucky, since Gary has joined God, would be laying quietly and then would bark, or wag his tail and look at something in the room. Jackie said she could see the color purple. I like purple. Gary was red and black. Gary told Jackie to tell us he is happy. He knows that Rachel needs him, but she should refer to a card, or his writing. We haven't found this as of yet. He talked about a clock, or a watch, to check the time. We are not sure. My last gift was a watch. The clock also fell off of the wall Monday morning before I left for work on the day Gary died. I thought he had fallen. Gary told Jackie he wished he could had told his dad Dee that he loved him and could had hugged him before he left. Gary said he knew he would go first, not me. Gary told Jackie that his family would be surprised he was talking with her. He said his family did not believe that he believed in this ability. Gary would always roll his eyes at us and give us his sweet impish smile whenever we talked about psychics.
Josh came over to my house at around 6:00 that night. He called Jackie and put her on speaker. Rachel, Josh, Zach, I think, and myself were in the living room. Jackie said that Gary said to tell me that I am the fighter and to keep on fighting. He said, "thanks for letting me go, it was peaceful". He told us it was okay someone wasn't there. We are wondering if perhaps he was referencing Ajay not going to the mortuary and seeing his body, to say another good bye. Ajay has never been one to want to view a corpse. Jackie said that Gary talked about a flower he gave me and how we laughed. My memory has lapses in it, which, I believe is due to my chemo. I do remember something about a flower, couldn't tell you what it looked like, but I do remember the laughter. We laughed so hard we cried and I just about peed my pants.
Gary said that there was a woman at the funeral and what she talked about was beautiful. Not sure who he was referencing. He said he was watching from the window ledge and laughing with us all.
He told me not to move the picture. I was not sure what picture he was indicating. (I will come back to the picture shortly.) Gary said he was sorry that he couldn't go on the journey with me. We were supposed to go back to Malaysia and make the journey of the Tiger. We were to go to Sifu's Temple in the jungle. He told Jackie to thank us for the caress on his cheek, or forehead. She said she saw Gary tough is forehead, but felt the touch on the cheek. When Gary died in my car, I was caressing his cheek. We also caressed his cheek and forehead while he lay on the cold steel table in the Mortuary, as well as the night he died.. Gary told Jackie he had no idea how easy it would be to communicate with her. He said these words, Isabelle morning flight. We do not have a clue what these mean. He mentioned the word roast. Jackie asked if Gary liked roast. I told her no, we jokingly called it Groast beef dinner when I made it. Perhaps Gary was referring to the celebration. It was like it was a "Roast" of him. Gary mentioned 3 names to Jackie. She only told us two, which were: Laurie, Mickie. Jackie informed us that a brother figure met him and led him. We told Jackie he has not had a brother die. Gary talked about an upstairs light being broke-it flickered. Not sure on this one, however, a week after Gary's joining God in His Kingdom, our main office at the shop had electrical problems. The power would not stay on. We ended up having an electrician in to discover the problem. It was a broken sign hanging outside over the door. HMMMMM!!!!!! Jackie said Josh was her instant connection to Gary. Jackie said she finally had to tell Gary enough. She was worn out. He had talked with her for over 2 hours. She told Gary he could say one more thing. He said, "Pickle Juice". This could be a couple of things. A jar of pickles tipped over and spilled in the fridge that week. It coud also be a little joke. We had watched an episode of That 70's show where Fez had said, " you know what a funny word is? Pickle Weasel." I thought this was quite comical. However, with my memory issues, I turned it into Pickle Juice. I would walk around and tell Gary this. I even used it as a password on something. Crazy, yes?
Thursday was the appointment day that Jackie came to my house. It was so hard to get through the week. I wanted the connection to Gary through Jackie every day. Rachel wrote down what was said. We also had a tape recorder going. Unfortunately, the recording is not great quality. There is a buzzing through the whole reading. Rachel also has the notes, so I will most likely not be able to remember everything that was said. I want to share, but it could be in several different posts.
I have this trunk that holds blankets. It sits against the wall in between Gary's chair and the tv. I moved the trunk over by the coat closet and brought in a padded lawn chair for Jackie to sit in. She was situated so we could all view her. Okay, back to the trunk. Jackie told us that there was a trunk. I said, "yes. It normally is where she is sitting, but had been moved in order to put her where she was." She said that Ajay was supposed to have it. I said, "no, there was no ties with the trunk. I bought it just for storage." Jackie then said that there was something in it for Ajay, something that he needed. When she left and we moved the trunk back to its place, Ajay opened it and looked inside. He found a repair manual that he needed for a car that has been at the shop. They were wanting to put it on the schedule and fix it so we could sell it.
Jackie asked at one point who the skeptic was? We all laughed and looked at Ajay and informed her it was Ajay. She told Ajay that he had the same ability as she did, he just needed to relax and nurture it. Jackie said Ajay could talk with his dad. I believe Ajay would get so scared as a child with all the spirits, that he disallowed himself to continue to see and hear. Ajay told me what the male figure looked like. What he saw. It was so surprising to me because, what he described is what I envisioned. I did not even know I had a mental picture of the male. Zach also informed me that he saw the same guy walking up and down the hallway when he was a child. Jackie told us we had a female. She was attached to the house, the land. Perhaps research might disclose who she was and why she was here. The female is kind and she comforts me when Gary is unable to do so. I was laying in a bed a week or so ago, crying and asking Gary to come back. My hair was moving, as if someone was soothing my head. NO, there was not a breeze blowing, or a fan.
Jackie at one point asked if she could say anything she was told or heard. I informed her that we had no secrets, say anything Gary is telling her. She looked at me and said, "Gary says not to kill yourself". I told her I wasn't planning on it. If I did, I would not be able to join him. That is what I want, to be with Gary again. She said that Gary told her it wasn't my time yet, that I had a mission. I am slightly annoyed. I would like to know the mission. I guess I had a few people worried that I was going to "off" myself due to my distress. My life is a gift from God and I will not take this blessing lightly. I must say, tho, I am not afraid of death any longer. I know Gary will be waiting when I am called into God's Kingdom. I guess the hard part is continuing to live.
Jackie told Rachel Gary says the baby is coming. He told her she did not always have to be strong and in control. My daughter is a very organized young woman. She does not like disorder.
We asked about Jody. She was Gary's neice who was killed in a car crash. Jackie told us she had such a sense of sadness. Gary would not say anything about her. I looked at Josh and he seemed to be holding back tears. Later, after Jackie left, Josh said he had such an overwhelming sense of sadness when we asked about Jody. He said he almost passed out. I have to add as a side note, that Josh has just recently become less of a skeptic himself. He took Rachel to see Jackie in August as a birthday gift. Instead of Rachel being read, Josh had his own family members who have pass, come to say things to him. It definately came him another way of looking at things.
Gary told us through Jackie that he would be using animals to come to us at times. He said if a bird hung around or came really close to us, it was him. Crazily enough,we have had some recent experiences with birds coming quite close to us and doing odd things.
I told you I would come back to the picture. One of Gary's aunts brought a couple of pictures on Saturday, the day of celebrating his life. She let me choose one. I chose a picture of Jesus, standing sideways, staring out at the land. He was holding a staff and surrounded by sheep. When Jackie was talking with us, she said, "is there a picture here on my left?" She turned her head and saw the picture. She told us Gary says not to move this picture. I guess he does not want us to lose our love for Jesus. I have no anger at or for Jesus or God or the Holy Spirit. I know Gary is the lucky one. He has been blessed the ultimate blessing. Our Fathers Kingdom.
Jackie told Zach that he had an elder gentleman with him. He was kind of a jokester. Zach found this out a while ago. Maybe I already told the story, but it is worth mentioning again. Zach, Rachel and Josh were sitting watching TV at their home. They heard a knocking on the door into the house from the garage. Zach thought perhaps they neglected to shut the overhead down and their friend Jeremy was knocking on that door. He has done this before. When Zach opened the door, no one was there and the overhead was closed. Weird. I am not quite sure of the timeline, but I believe it was only a few days, if not the same day, when Zach awoke around 4:00 a.m. to someone knocking on his bedroom door. When he opened the door, no one was there. He was a little spooked. I told him speak aloud that this was unacceptable and that his bedroom was his personal space. Zach has not had any incidences since.
There are more Jackie sayings, but I am becoming mentally foggy. It is late, or early, however you want to look at it. I stayed up reading until 2:30 a.m. last night. Maybe I can sleep for 3 hours in a row tonight.
Gary used to snap my panties. He thought it was funny. He wasn't being mean, just teasing. Sometimes he would get quite the snap. He also used to tug the back of my hair. His way of showing he loved me. I was boohooing one night as I lay in bed. I was telling Gary how I missed him, how I missed the flipping and the tugging. I was also having quite the hot flash. I had the covers flung off. My little black Minuet jumped up on my bed, walked across me, grabbed my panties at the waistline and flipped me. She then jumped off my bed. I guess Gary was telling me he was with me. Another day, I was sitting in Gary's room, where we keep the ski machine, boohooing and holding a picture of the two of us by Skeen Lake. I was talking and praying and missing him terribly. All the other pictures that were displayed at the celebration were laying on the massage table that holds the bio-mat. Little Minny jumped up on the table, walked across the pictures, stopped at the one that was displayed behind his ashes at the celebration. It is the one of Gary skiing and jumping. Minny looked at me, put her head down, licked Gary's figure, looked at me, did it again, and then jumped down and left the room.
Jackie told the kids that Gary was with me more than them at this time. He said I needed him more. He told Jackie to tell me he always kisses me goodnight. He said that when I sit outside and there is no wind or breeze, but I feel a breeze on my cheek, it will be him, caressing my cheek. Jackie did not know that I sit outside quite frequently praying and talking with God. Gary knew this was my habit, my meditation, rejuvenation time.
I watched a slightly scary movie last night. I had all the animals in with me. The doors were shut and locked. The animal at one point, went from sleeping to looking up at certain places in the room. I could sense something, but not sure what spirit was visiting us. After the movie, I was talking with Rachel on the phone, and a breeze caressed my cheek and my hand. True story. During the movie, at one point, my hair was being caressed.
It is time to sign off. The house is making noise. The cat's are getting wide eyed. They want my attention. I think they are ready for bed and cuddle time.
Remember life is a blessing. I encourage all to work through the problems that sometimes come into our lives. Release the anger, hold only onto your love for each other. Change happens in a blink of an eye. Material things don't last, don't keep us content for long. Embrace God and each other. God will see you through all your challenges. He often works in ways we do not understand and does not always do what we think should be done. Remember to believe in Him. Four simple words can get you through.....I Trust You, Jesus.
Love and Blessings,
Sue
Gary and Sue
Thursday, June 7, 2012
Wednesday, June 6, 2012
The Celebration
We celebrated Gary's life on May 12, 2012.
What a beautiful day God blessed us with! The day dawned with bright sunshine and just the right temperature. Slightly warm, but kissed with a breeze. My backyard was beautiful and showed the full Glory of God's nature. Thanks to family and friends, the lawn was mowed, weeds were pulled, piles of junk were dumped, flowers planted, pool worked on and cleaned. I/we are so blessed to have such wonderful love and support.
We received many beautiful bouquets of flowers which added more spring beauty. My wisteria was in full bloom and was so gorgeous. The kids brought a fooz ball table to encourage laughter and fun, which was what Gary embraced. He knew how to live. I miss him and his zest for adventure. I miss his voice, his warmth, and most definately his sense of humor. The house is so quiet.
Friends and family supplied delicious food for all who attended the celebration. It was wonderful to bask in the love, support and strength of everyone God has blessed us by bringing into our lives.
My family and I enjoyed the stories that were shared about Gary. I learned a few new things. I know it was difficult for some who stood in front of so many individuals and talked into a micrphone to give us a glimpse into who Gary was in your life. When I stood by a few and wrapped my arms around you, I felt your shaking. Thank you for honoring my husband. I thank you for your strength in telling your story. It brought Gary closer to us, when we know he is so far, yet also so near. It released some of our pain to be able to laugh and cry with all of our loved ones.
We had people tell us they saw Gary there with us. I know this is true. He was there, laughing with us all. I can envision his quiet, soft laugh. His lopsided smile, looking innocent, pointing to himself and saying, who me, when being tattled on.
The days after God called him home, were somewhat of a blur. Monday night did not offer much rest, just disbelief. Tuesday was horrendous and full of no's, this isn't happening, just a nightmare. I ended up taking an ambien that night. I felt like I needed assistance getting at least an hour of rest. I came out of my bathroom and found Rachel curled up crying on the end of Gary's side of our bed. I crawled up beside her to offer comfort, support and love. We cried for awhile. The next thing I knew, I awoke confused. It was around midnight. I was so disoriented. I just layed down. I had guests in my house, how rude of me. I sat up and there was a figure under the covers on Gary's side of the bed. I had a moment of "oh my gosh, what a horrible dream I just woke up from, Gary is not dead, he is alive, laying there sleeping". How wrong I was. Rachel had crawled up and under the covers. I just cried and crawled into bed beside her and had sporradic sleep the rest of the night. Not that unusual. I am usually awake between 2:00 and 2:30 a.m. Then 4:00 to 4:30 a.m. 6:00 to 6:20 was Gary's awake time, so that is normal time to wake up to make sure he would be getting his start to the day.
I asked Zach on Wednesday what time people went home and why they didn't wake me up. He said Rachel and I had passed out and were in a deep sleep. No one wanted to disturb us, including, Josh, Rachel's husband. He just left her sleeping and went home.
Thursday was hard. I snuck to the morturary to spend alone time with Gary's body. I wanted to plead to him, to God, for him to wake up. Climb off the table and come home. Gary would be such a great disciple for God. Why wouldn't God bring him back. God could. I guess he has other plans for Gary. My time with Gary was cut far too short. Even now, I find it hard to accept as reality that he is not with us. My heart aches non stop, yet, I have feelings of such joy that Gary is now in my Heavenly Father's Kingdom. He is surrounded by the ultimate warmth of God's Love. Why can't I be there with Gary, now?
Friday, I was screaming inside. All I could think about was that my husband's physical body was going away. I struggled every second. Saturday, Gary came home...., in a small black box. Isn't he just on a business trip? This can't be reality, can it? The kids sat together on the couch and stickered the box that held what was left of their father. How proud I am of their strength and unity. They used the artistic talent they inherited from their father and created a masterpiece that Gary would be satisfied with. Gary loved stickers. Yes, the majority of his stickers were red, black and white. They represented the motorized toys that he so enjoyed, or the activities that brought him great joy. We all picked out pictures of Gary to enlarge that would give people a glimpse of who he was and what he valued. We had a slide show going also that showed who my man was. How he embraced this life God gave him. Saturday was so bittersweet. It was a celebration, a party, yet also a formal good bye. We did enjoy the day and kept laughter flowing into the night. It is unfortunate that it sometimes takes such a sad event to bring together loved ones who life keeps apart for months, even years, because it is so fast paced.
Sunday brought us to Mother's Day. I know Gary's mom had sadness in her soul with her son being called to heaven and unable to enjoy the day with us. Gary had been looking so forward to starting a new relationship with his parents. He was excited that they moved to Boise. Gary told me he liked the idea of getting to know his dad in a new way. We started the day with a brunch at their new home. After enjoying a delicious meal, we said our good byes to Gary's brothers' and their families. They were heading back to Wyoming, and one went back to Twin Falls. He has two brothers who live in Kuna and a sister who lives near Eagle. Cousin/brother Ron and his wife Gayle live near us. My kids and I then headed to Meridian to spend some time with my mom and dad, as well as my sister, one of her daughters, my older brother and his family from Vancouver, Wa. and my younger brother and his family from Minnesota. I was feeling a little under the weather, so we only stayed for a couple of hours. We left and I came home and took a nap. Rachel and Josh graciously invited me to dinner. Tim and Christie and their children(Minnesota) joined. We ordered Chinese. After dinner, we played a game of hide and seek outside. It was difficult to embrace the laughter and living, but it is what Gary would want and expect us to do.
Monday. Hard to believe and accept it has been a week, only a week, but seeming much longer. I had my normal interrupted sleep pattern Sunday night. Rachel called me at 8:20 a.m. She asked if she woke me? I told her no, I was awake, just laying in bed, struggling with what my new normal was going to be.. She told me she needed a sense of normalcy. We always talk as she drives to school. We said our good byes when she arrived at Christine Donnell, School of the Arts. I fell asleep. Gary came to me. I saw him looking in the kitchen window. He was smiling. I was calling to him to stay, don't go. I was trying to get to the slider to get outside and grab hold of him. I was unable to get to him, I awoke to Zach calling out to me that someone was at the door, knocking. It was my brother Jim and his wife Lynn, coming to tell me good bye. They were heading back to Vancouver. We visitied for a short time and then said our good byes. I am so numb, but must show life.
What a beautiful day God blessed us with! The day dawned with bright sunshine and just the right temperature. Slightly warm, but kissed with a breeze. My backyard was beautiful and showed the full Glory of God's nature. Thanks to family and friends, the lawn was mowed, weeds were pulled, piles of junk were dumped, flowers planted, pool worked on and cleaned. I/we are so blessed to have such wonderful love and support.
We received many beautiful bouquets of flowers which added more spring beauty. My wisteria was in full bloom and was so gorgeous. The kids brought a fooz ball table to encourage laughter and fun, which was what Gary embraced. He knew how to live. I miss him and his zest for adventure. I miss his voice, his warmth, and most definately his sense of humor. The house is so quiet.
Friends and family supplied delicious food for all who attended the celebration. It was wonderful to bask in the love, support and strength of everyone God has blessed us by bringing into our lives.
My family and I enjoyed the stories that were shared about Gary. I learned a few new things. I know it was difficult for some who stood in front of so many individuals and talked into a micrphone to give us a glimpse into who Gary was in your life. When I stood by a few and wrapped my arms around you, I felt your shaking. Thank you for honoring my husband. I thank you for your strength in telling your story. It brought Gary closer to us, when we know he is so far, yet also so near. It released some of our pain to be able to laugh and cry with all of our loved ones.
We had people tell us they saw Gary there with us. I know this is true. He was there, laughing with us all. I can envision his quiet, soft laugh. His lopsided smile, looking innocent, pointing to himself and saying, who me, when being tattled on.
The days after God called him home, were somewhat of a blur. Monday night did not offer much rest, just disbelief. Tuesday was horrendous and full of no's, this isn't happening, just a nightmare. I ended up taking an ambien that night. I felt like I needed assistance getting at least an hour of rest. I came out of my bathroom and found Rachel curled up crying on the end of Gary's side of our bed. I crawled up beside her to offer comfort, support and love. We cried for awhile. The next thing I knew, I awoke confused. It was around midnight. I was so disoriented. I just layed down. I had guests in my house, how rude of me. I sat up and there was a figure under the covers on Gary's side of the bed. I had a moment of "oh my gosh, what a horrible dream I just woke up from, Gary is not dead, he is alive, laying there sleeping". How wrong I was. Rachel had crawled up and under the covers. I just cried and crawled into bed beside her and had sporradic sleep the rest of the night. Not that unusual. I am usually awake between 2:00 and 2:30 a.m. Then 4:00 to 4:30 a.m. 6:00 to 6:20 was Gary's awake time, so that is normal time to wake up to make sure he would be getting his start to the day.
I asked Zach on Wednesday what time people went home and why they didn't wake me up. He said Rachel and I had passed out and were in a deep sleep. No one wanted to disturb us, including, Josh, Rachel's husband. He just left her sleeping and went home.
Thursday was hard. I snuck to the morturary to spend alone time with Gary's body. I wanted to plead to him, to God, for him to wake up. Climb off the table and come home. Gary would be such a great disciple for God. Why wouldn't God bring him back. God could. I guess he has other plans for Gary. My time with Gary was cut far too short. Even now, I find it hard to accept as reality that he is not with us. My heart aches non stop, yet, I have feelings of such joy that Gary is now in my Heavenly Father's Kingdom. He is surrounded by the ultimate warmth of God's Love. Why can't I be there with Gary, now?
Friday, I was screaming inside. All I could think about was that my husband's physical body was going away. I struggled every second. Saturday, Gary came home...., in a small black box. Isn't he just on a business trip? This can't be reality, can it? The kids sat together on the couch and stickered the box that held what was left of their father. How proud I am of their strength and unity. They used the artistic talent they inherited from their father and created a masterpiece that Gary would be satisfied with. Gary loved stickers. Yes, the majority of his stickers were red, black and white. They represented the motorized toys that he so enjoyed, or the activities that brought him great joy. We all picked out pictures of Gary to enlarge that would give people a glimpse of who he was and what he valued. We had a slide show going also that showed who my man was. How he embraced this life God gave him. Saturday was so bittersweet. It was a celebration, a party, yet also a formal good bye. We did enjoy the day and kept laughter flowing into the night. It is unfortunate that it sometimes takes such a sad event to bring together loved ones who life keeps apart for months, even years, because it is so fast paced.
Sunday brought us to Mother's Day. I know Gary's mom had sadness in her soul with her son being called to heaven and unable to enjoy the day with us. Gary had been looking so forward to starting a new relationship with his parents. He was excited that they moved to Boise. Gary told me he liked the idea of getting to know his dad in a new way. We started the day with a brunch at their new home. After enjoying a delicious meal, we said our good byes to Gary's brothers' and their families. They were heading back to Wyoming, and one went back to Twin Falls. He has two brothers who live in Kuna and a sister who lives near Eagle. Cousin/brother Ron and his wife Gayle live near us. My kids and I then headed to Meridian to spend some time with my mom and dad, as well as my sister, one of her daughters, my older brother and his family from Vancouver, Wa. and my younger brother and his family from Minnesota. I was feeling a little under the weather, so we only stayed for a couple of hours. We left and I came home and took a nap. Rachel and Josh graciously invited me to dinner. Tim and Christie and their children(Minnesota) joined. We ordered Chinese. After dinner, we played a game of hide and seek outside. It was difficult to embrace the laughter and living, but it is what Gary would want and expect us to do.
Monday. Hard to believe and accept it has been a week, only a week, but seeming much longer. I had my normal interrupted sleep pattern Sunday night. Rachel called me at 8:20 a.m. She asked if she woke me? I told her no, I was awake, just laying in bed, struggling with what my new normal was going to be.. She told me she needed a sense of normalcy. We always talk as she drives to school. We said our good byes when she arrived at Christine Donnell, School of the Arts. I fell asleep. Gary came to me. I saw him looking in the kitchen window. He was smiling. I was calling to him to stay, don't go. I was trying to get to the slider to get outside and grab hold of him. I was unable to get to him, I awoke to Zach calling out to me that someone was at the door, knocking. It was my brother Jim and his wife Lynn, coming to tell me good bye. They were heading back to Vancouver. We visitied for a short time and then said our good byes. I am so numb, but must show life.
Tuesday, May 29, 2012
Shattered!!! Living with the coulda, shoulda, woulda and what ifs
It is so surreal. I feel as if I am walking in a horrible nightmare and unable to wake up. I keep re-living the last day spent with Gary. My heart has such a hole. My soul is ripped apart. My kids, how do I help my kids? I get shaky and feel ill.
Life continues. We are just a small blip in the large scheme of things. I get up, get dressed, go to work. I walk through the day as if it is like any other day. Only I know it isn't. It is easy to pretend when I am away from the house. I can even fool myself into thinking Gary is just on a trip. Reality catches up when I walk in the door at home. The loud silence says so much. I am so lonely, even though I am surrounded by so many individuals who love me and my children. Those who loved Gary. Those, who's life Gary made a difference in. How do I help them get through their pain?
I re-think everything. I should of insisted that Gary take his coumadin, or take the injections, which, I still have two boxes sitting in the cupboard. I hear from people who tell me that someone they know has been taking coumadin for x amount of years. The guilt is all consuming. I wished I would of fought more with him on taking this medicine he hated so much. Would he still be here, alive, sitting next to me, laying next to me? I could have encouraged him more. How do I live with the regrets? What if I tricked him? Why did I accept his decision to disconinue the use? What if I screamed and ranted? Maybe my world, my children's world, would not be so shattered.
We hear from individuals daily who are just hearing the news of Gary's passing. They question us as to why we did not call? Why did we not run the obituary longer? Why? It is all we can do to make it through the day with re-joicing that Gary is in our Heavenly Father's Kingdom. We struggle to embrace that he is in a far better place than we are.We look forward to the time we meet each other again. We hold each other close, pushing away the pain the best we can. We are a broken family unit, yet, our love is still strong. We will honor Gary by finding Joy in living. This is one of his legacies that he taught us, to live. Even while our tears are falling from our eyes, we will find a way to laugh, love and live. This is how we will and can keep Gary alive, close to us.
I encourage all those reading this to embrace the day. Get past the pettiness that is all consuming. Learn to forgive the mistakes we all make. We are simply human. Hug your loved ones, let them know you love them. Glorify God, thank Him for his daily blessings!
When you are missing Gary, listen quietly and he will be with you. This is what we are learning to do. We are keeping him alive with our memories, our stories. The pain is great, the sadness is enveloping. We will discourage the darkness, the dark one and embrace light and forever life.
Love and blessings,
Sue, Zach, Rachel, Ajay, Josh and Jessica.
Life continues. We are just a small blip in the large scheme of things. I get up, get dressed, go to work. I walk through the day as if it is like any other day. Only I know it isn't. It is easy to pretend when I am away from the house. I can even fool myself into thinking Gary is just on a trip. Reality catches up when I walk in the door at home. The loud silence says so much. I am so lonely, even though I am surrounded by so many individuals who love me and my children. Those who loved Gary. Those, who's life Gary made a difference in. How do I help them get through their pain?
I re-think everything. I should of insisted that Gary take his coumadin, or take the injections, which, I still have two boxes sitting in the cupboard. I hear from people who tell me that someone they know has been taking coumadin for x amount of years. The guilt is all consuming. I wished I would of fought more with him on taking this medicine he hated so much. Would he still be here, alive, sitting next to me, laying next to me? I could have encouraged him more. How do I live with the regrets? What if I tricked him? Why did I accept his decision to disconinue the use? What if I screamed and ranted? Maybe my world, my children's world, would not be so shattered.
We hear from individuals daily who are just hearing the news of Gary's passing. They question us as to why we did not call? Why did we not run the obituary longer? Why? It is all we can do to make it through the day with re-joicing that Gary is in our Heavenly Father's Kingdom. We struggle to embrace that he is in a far better place than we are.We look forward to the time we meet each other again. We hold each other close, pushing away the pain the best we can. We are a broken family unit, yet, our love is still strong. We will honor Gary by finding Joy in living. This is one of his legacies that he taught us, to live. Even while our tears are falling from our eyes, we will find a way to laugh, love and live. This is how we will and can keep Gary alive, close to us.
I encourage all those reading this to embrace the day. Get past the pettiness that is all consuming. Learn to forgive the mistakes we all make. We are simply human. Hug your loved ones, let them know you love them. Glorify God, thank Him for his daily blessings!
When you are missing Gary, listen quietly and he will be with you. This is what we are learning to do. We are keeping him alive with our memories, our stories. The pain is great, the sadness is enveloping. We will discourage the darkness, the dark one and embrace light and forever life.
Love and blessings,
Sue, Zach, Rachel, Ajay, Josh and Jessica.
Monday, May 14, 2012
The Passing
My dear husband, my soul mate, my best friend my childrens' father was called home on Monday, May 7, 2012. What a shock it has been to us all. The day started out as many of our days have, getting up, drinking a smoothie, going to work. I did leave that morning encouraging Gary to give himself to God. I asked him to not be afraid and to ask God to direct his day. Little did I know that God would call him home. My heart is so heavy with sadness and dismay, yet, I am also so numb and not functioning so swell. There are so many emotions that are flying through my being, it is hard to wrap my thoughts around what has happened. It almost seems like he is on a trip, but, alas, that is wishful thinking.
We celebrated my 51st birthday on Friday. One of the first gifts Gary gave me was cleaning the cat litter. Those of you who have an intimate relationship with Gary know how huge and wonderful this gift was. Gary was very tolerant and patient with my love and insistance of having cats. We almost had a fight over him cleaning the litter. I had to walk away because I realized it was his way of showing me the love he had for me. Gary told me when he was through that this was a once a year event. It was a one time life event. My hearts just aches. Who knew this would be one of the last gifts I would receive from him. He also gifted me with a beautiful watch. He and Rachel were supposed to have a daddy daughter bike ride, however, he told her he wanted her to help him find a watch for me. Rachel gave up her bike riding date with Gary to take him shopping so he could get me the gift he was envisoning. Thank you Rachel. What a beautiful watch it is. I have my choice of wearing either a black or white band. The face has small rhinestones. We hung out at home during the afternoon, then we were blessed with movie tickets to see the new Avengers movie. The whole family, with the exception of Josh were able to spend the evening together enjoying the movie. Gary walked out of the movie with his arms around Rachel and I.
Saturday was spent driving to Elk Creek in Idaho City. A few years back we (Gary, Rachel and myself)accidently found this fantastic camping spot. Gary had been told of a camping spot near Idaho City. He, however, did not get specific directions and we were kind of lost wandering. It was raining like crazy and the ground was slippery. We found ourselves on narrow mountain roads. I, do not, do well on narrow roads. I am a worrier, stresser, freaker outer. We came to a fork in the road and Gary thought it might finally be a good time to turn around. Did not happen. The camper started to slide into the barrow ditch and almost hit a road sign. We had no choice but to continue on. As we drove, we found a road that led down to a beautiful area. Gary decided to go down there. As we turned and headed down, the camper, which is a toy hauler and very heavy, pushed us down. It was very frightening. Gary said, "well we won't be stopping and backing up". He also said, "if the rain doesn't stop, we won't be getting back out either". Yes, I fretted most of the weekend about getting out. Gary would occasionally walk around and look to determine alternate routes of escape. He even contemplated cutting down trees to get out a different way. God was great as usual and allowed us to drive out the way we came in. The only problems we experienced were forgetting to put down the antenna, which the trees took out, and then tearing out the gray water line on the bottom of the camper. The following year, even tho we had such a difficult time getting out the previous year, Gary took us back there because that is where I wanted to camp. He loved me so much. We enjoyed a weekend of fun with our family and the Curtis Cluff family. I had to walk away as they worked to get the camper out and back onto the road because I was so stressed. Gary had to use the camper leveling lego like blocks to stair step the camper out. He sure was patient with me. Ok, back to Saturday, May 5, 2012, we were heading to Elk Creek as a birthday present to me, so I could rejuvenate. I love trees and the mountains(when I don't have to snow ski or snowmobile, don't like the cold). Zach had not been there as he had been living in San Antonio, Texas working. I had been boohooing that I really needed to escape the fast pace of life here in Boise and I needed to reconnect with nature and God and we needed to show Zach so he could envision where we were talking about. It was difficult driving by Lucky Peak. We could all feel Gary's sadness about not having a boat anymore. We all felt sad about having to sell the boat. Gary loved his boat. He loved us more. We arrived at Elk Creek. Gary said he wasn't feeling able to hike, so we wrap him into a blanket, it was chilly, gave him his sandwich, and the kids and I went for a short hike. We came back and Gary had moved into the suburban. The rest of us ate our lunch and then the kids went on another hike. Gary informed me that he had hiked a short distance by himself and then came back because he became tired and winded. I wanted to take him the doctor to see if we could see why he was starting to have some pain, but he said no doctors. We left a short time later and came home where we enjoyed some enchiladas and celebrated Cinco De Mayo. Sunday I ended up working until just about 12:00 in the morning. Monday came and I like I said earlier, the day started out pretty much the same. I came home and picked Gary up. He went with me to open a house for a client to view. He sat in the car while I worked. We then went and grabbed a bite of dinner. After finishing, we went to Willow Lane to watch Zach play softball. Gary became winded walking from the car to the bleachers. He sit there briefly and then went to the restrooms. I watched for him and then heard him call me and say we needed to leave. I gathered up the blankets and walked to him. He walked behind me, holding onto my shoulders. I would stop when he would indicate it was needed. We just arrived at the jeep when I felt him seem to pass out. He pinned me against my car. I was able to reach behind and grab his shirt to keep him from slamming down as hard to the asphalt. I bent down and called to him a couple of times. He went from being pale to having color in his cheeks and he open his eyes and asked me if he passed out. I said, "yes, you passed out". He said, "that was weird" and I agreed. I told him just to lay there and regroup. Gary, being Gary, sat up. I said, "okay, just sit here for a bit". Well he proceeded to crawl on his hands and knees and get into my car. I was pulling out of the parking spot and his eyes started to dim and his hands clinched. I was heading to the emergency room. I saw him leaving me before reaching the road. I hit his chest/heart and said " don't leave me, don't die on me". He caught a breath, but only a short one. People would not get out of my way. I had my flashers on and and was honking my horn. I called 911 to inform them I was on my way to the hospital and needed a gurney and people on stand by. When we arrived, I layed on my horn and they came out with a freaking wheel chair. I told the gal, that is not going to happen. He needs help now. He needs CPR and a gurney. Finally, more people came out and they started CPR. They then pulled him out of the car and got him into the hospital. The kids arrived and we stood outside the room, telling Gary to fight and come back. It was surreal. Definately not how the movies would like you to believe a fight for life is. Rachel arrived and I told her to encourage Daddy to fight. She yelled." Daddy, don't go, come back." They had not had a heart beat for awhile. When Rachel talked to Gary, his heart beat just a couple of times. The doctors pulled back, but Gary just couldn't stay with us. We called Jim Weathers and he came. He worked to get Gary back. He was unable. He came to Rachel and I, we were in the hallway. He informed us that he talked with Gary and that he was in the meadow. The light was behind him and there was a glow around Gary. Gary told Jim that he was where he was supposed to be and that Jim should tell his family that he loved us.....
I want him back. I want another miracle.
We celebrated my 51st birthday on Friday. One of the first gifts Gary gave me was cleaning the cat litter. Those of you who have an intimate relationship with Gary know how huge and wonderful this gift was. Gary was very tolerant and patient with my love and insistance of having cats. We almost had a fight over him cleaning the litter. I had to walk away because I realized it was his way of showing me the love he had for me. Gary told me when he was through that this was a once a year event. It was a one time life event. My hearts just aches. Who knew this would be one of the last gifts I would receive from him. He also gifted me with a beautiful watch. He and Rachel were supposed to have a daddy daughter bike ride, however, he told her he wanted her to help him find a watch for me. Rachel gave up her bike riding date with Gary to take him shopping so he could get me the gift he was envisoning. Thank you Rachel. What a beautiful watch it is. I have my choice of wearing either a black or white band. The face has small rhinestones. We hung out at home during the afternoon, then we were blessed with movie tickets to see the new Avengers movie. The whole family, with the exception of Josh were able to spend the evening together enjoying the movie. Gary walked out of the movie with his arms around Rachel and I.
Saturday was spent driving to Elk Creek in Idaho City. A few years back we (Gary, Rachel and myself)accidently found this fantastic camping spot. Gary had been told of a camping spot near Idaho City. He, however, did not get specific directions and we were kind of lost wandering. It was raining like crazy and the ground was slippery. We found ourselves on narrow mountain roads. I, do not, do well on narrow roads. I am a worrier, stresser, freaker outer. We came to a fork in the road and Gary thought it might finally be a good time to turn around. Did not happen. The camper started to slide into the barrow ditch and almost hit a road sign. We had no choice but to continue on. As we drove, we found a road that led down to a beautiful area. Gary decided to go down there. As we turned and headed down, the camper, which is a toy hauler and very heavy, pushed us down. It was very frightening. Gary said, "well we won't be stopping and backing up". He also said, "if the rain doesn't stop, we won't be getting back out either". Yes, I fretted most of the weekend about getting out. Gary would occasionally walk around and look to determine alternate routes of escape. He even contemplated cutting down trees to get out a different way. God was great as usual and allowed us to drive out the way we came in. The only problems we experienced were forgetting to put down the antenna, which the trees took out, and then tearing out the gray water line on the bottom of the camper. The following year, even tho we had such a difficult time getting out the previous year, Gary took us back there because that is where I wanted to camp. He loved me so much. We enjoyed a weekend of fun with our family and the Curtis Cluff family. I had to walk away as they worked to get the camper out and back onto the road because I was so stressed. Gary had to use the camper leveling lego like blocks to stair step the camper out. He sure was patient with me. Ok, back to Saturday, May 5, 2012, we were heading to Elk Creek as a birthday present to me, so I could rejuvenate. I love trees and the mountains(when I don't have to snow ski or snowmobile, don't like the cold). Zach had not been there as he had been living in San Antonio, Texas working. I had been boohooing that I really needed to escape the fast pace of life here in Boise and I needed to reconnect with nature and God and we needed to show Zach so he could envision where we were talking about. It was difficult driving by Lucky Peak. We could all feel Gary's sadness about not having a boat anymore. We all felt sad about having to sell the boat. Gary loved his boat. He loved us more. We arrived at Elk Creek. Gary said he wasn't feeling able to hike, so we wrap him into a blanket, it was chilly, gave him his sandwich, and the kids and I went for a short hike. We came back and Gary had moved into the suburban. The rest of us ate our lunch and then the kids went on another hike. Gary informed me that he had hiked a short distance by himself and then came back because he became tired and winded. I wanted to take him the doctor to see if we could see why he was starting to have some pain, but he said no doctors. We left a short time later and came home where we enjoyed some enchiladas and celebrated Cinco De Mayo. Sunday I ended up working until just about 12:00 in the morning. Monday came and I like I said earlier, the day started out pretty much the same. I came home and picked Gary up. He went with me to open a house for a client to view. He sat in the car while I worked. We then went and grabbed a bite of dinner. After finishing, we went to Willow Lane to watch Zach play softball. Gary became winded walking from the car to the bleachers. He sit there briefly and then went to the restrooms. I watched for him and then heard him call me and say we needed to leave. I gathered up the blankets and walked to him. He walked behind me, holding onto my shoulders. I would stop when he would indicate it was needed. We just arrived at the jeep when I felt him seem to pass out. He pinned me against my car. I was able to reach behind and grab his shirt to keep him from slamming down as hard to the asphalt. I bent down and called to him a couple of times. He went from being pale to having color in his cheeks and he open his eyes and asked me if he passed out. I said, "yes, you passed out". He said, "that was weird" and I agreed. I told him just to lay there and regroup. Gary, being Gary, sat up. I said, "okay, just sit here for a bit". Well he proceeded to crawl on his hands and knees and get into my car. I was pulling out of the parking spot and his eyes started to dim and his hands clinched. I was heading to the emergency room. I saw him leaving me before reaching the road. I hit his chest/heart and said " don't leave me, don't die on me". He caught a breath, but only a short one. People would not get out of my way. I had my flashers on and and was honking my horn. I called 911 to inform them I was on my way to the hospital and needed a gurney and people on stand by. When we arrived, I layed on my horn and they came out with a freaking wheel chair. I told the gal, that is not going to happen. He needs help now. He needs CPR and a gurney. Finally, more people came out and they started CPR. They then pulled him out of the car and got him into the hospital. The kids arrived and we stood outside the room, telling Gary to fight and come back. It was surreal. Definately not how the movies would like you to believe a fight for life is. Rachel arrived and I told her to encourage Daddy to fight. She yelled." Daddy, don't go, come back." They had not had a heart beat for awhile. When Rachel talked to Gary, his heart beat just a couple of times. The doctors pulled back, but Gary just couldn't stay with us. We called Jim Weathers and he came. He worked to get Gary back. He was unable. He came to Rachel and I, we were in the hallway. He informed us that he talked with Gary and that he was in the meadow. The light was behind him and there was a glow around Gary. Gary told Jim that he was where he was supposed to be and that Jim should tell his family that he loved us.....
I want him back. I want another miracle.
Monday, April 30, 2012
April 30, 2012
I just wanted to add that I think my older sister, Cathy, also participated in the May Day baskets. I had a great childhood. I will share more stories as the smells bring forward more memories. I will encourage Gary to relate some of his childhood memories as well.
I would like to also welcome Gary's mom and dad, Dee and Ruth, to Boise. We closed on their house April 26, 2012. Yay!!!!! They have gone back to the farm to gather more of their belongings that they are bringing to their new home and will be back on the weekend. It will be wonderful to have them closer to all the kids who live in the Boise Valley. A little further from Wyoming, tho, where two of his brothers and their families live.
I also am celebrating another year of being alive!!! May 4th is my 51st birthday. Wow!! It sounds so old. I am so thankful to God for his healing of my cancer. What an Awesome God he is.
Love and Blessings,
Gary and Sue
I would like to also welcome Gary's mom and dad, Dee and Ruth, to Boise. We closed on their house April 26, 2012. Yay!!!!! They have gone back to the farm to gather more of their belongings that they are bringing to their new home and will be back on the weekend. It will be wonderful to have them closer to all the kids who live in the Boise Valley. A little further from Wyoming, tho, where two of his brothers and their families live.
I also am celebrating another year of being alive!!! May 4th is my 51st birthday. Wow!! It sounds so old. I am so thankful to God for his healing of my cancer. What an Awesome God he is.
Love and Blessings,
Gary and Sue
April 30, 2012
Happy May Day!
When I was a young girl living in Weiser, Idaho, my friends, brother and I would gather flowers, mostly lilacs, and put them in baskets made from paper and would put them on the neighbors doorsteps. We would knock, or ring the doorbell and then run away, giggling and shushing each other, to a pre-determined hiding spot, that would give us an advantage point of being able to watch the door we had just left. What a happy memory. I believe it is also a lost tradition.
I do so love the smell of spring. The sweetness of all the flowers and flowering trees smell so wonderfully good. The smell evokes many precious memories. Spring meant it was time to spend more time outside. One of the memories I recall fondly is giving my younger brother Tim, a ride on the back of my bicycle. It was easier for me to start out if I could use the curb to balance when he climbed on the back, however, it was more fun for Tim (who I must say was very good at making his older sister do what he wanted) to have me start by the garage, which was at the top of a small hill. He liked to ride down the hill. I guess he liked to feel the wind blowing through his hair. (he he, he! He wore a crew cut) It was very scary for me as well as quite wobbly. Great memory.
I don't know how the font was changed. The computer did all on its own. I guess there could be a slight possibility that I hit a key. Oh well. I am technically challenged.
Gary has been holding his own these days. He still struggles with leg pain off and on. I do have to admit, even with that being told, he can ride circles around me on the bicycle. It seems like old times. He would ride ahead and look back and see that I was quite some distance behind him. He would come back and say sorry for ditching me and then ride around and around me, until I would complain that he was making me nervous. Well, he is once again doing that. I look at this as progress and a great gift from God! I can hardly move when we get home and I am pretty sure Gary is not riding as far as he could because he knows I am spent. He does have his limitations. I think one of his biggest issues is hydrating with water. He does not like to have to go to the bathroom. This is his biggest complaint when I give him grief for his lack of hydration. We need to continue to encourage him to drink water to work the radiation poisoning out of his system. I know that, even after two years, I still am working out the chemo and radiation that I was exposed to. Also, we are not, unfortunately as young as we once were and it takes us longer to heal.
Gary also has struggles with his side and ribs after he rides the sports rider. I am struggling with his soreness. I have the doubt and worry creep in to my mind. I have to continuously push it away and put my faith and trust back into my Heavenly Father. It is through Him that we will come through these struggles.
Tai Chi is going great! Unfortunately, Gary was unable to attend tonight, April 30, due to intestinal issues. He awoke with some stomach cramps. We had our smoothies and I went off to GT. He said he ate a peanut butter sandwich for lunch and then his stomach started cramping worse. He then, darn it, was running to the toilet and getting a butt ring. I went to view a house and then came home to get him for Tai Chi. He was still in his jammies and was not up to going. This is the first time he has missed class. I missed last Wednesday because I was with clients.(WooHoo!!) Arthur, our instructor, worked us hard today. My leg was a wobbling. It didn't help that I was sore from riding my bike on Sunday. It was a great class. We are actually starting to look like we might know what we are doing.
My baby kitty has also recovered from whatever it was that made her ill. She has decided she likes eating the can moist food I feed Lucky, our dog. She does not like the canned cat food so much, but begs for me to feed Lucky his canned food, which I only give him occationally. She is very spoiled. I love seeing the two kittens playing and running. They are enjoying the warm weather and are starting to beg to go out back.
Well Gary has come out of the bedroom in search of me. I guess it is almost 11:00. Sleep is hard to come by these days. My mind doesn't want to shut off and I get out of bed about every 2 hours. I am striving to empty my mind and not plan and day(night)dream of things I desire. My husband is alive and that is enough for me.
I hope everyone enjoys these beautiful spring days, rain and all. I wish you baskets of flowers on your door steps when you awake tomorrow. We send out thoughts of laughter and happiness.
Love and Blessings,
Gary and Sue
When I was a young girl living in Weiser, Idaho, my friends, brother and I would gather flowers, mostly lilacs, and put them in baskets made from paper and would put them on the neighbors doorsteps. We would knock, or ring the doorbell and then run away, giggling and shushing each other, to a pre-determined hiding spot, that would give us an advantage point of being able to watch the door we had just left. What a happy memory. I believe it is also a lost tradition.
I do so love the smell of spring. The sweetness of all the flowers and flowering trees smell so wonderfully good. The smell evokes many precious memories. Spring meant it was time to spend more time outside. One of the memories I recall fondly is giving my younger brother Tim, a ride on the back of my bicycle. It was easier for me to start out if I could use the curb to balance when he climbed on the back, however, it was more fun for Tim (who I must say was very good at making his older sister do what he wanted) to have me start by the garage, which was at the top of a small hill. He liked to ride down the hill. I guess he liked to feel the wind blowing through his hair. (he he, he! He wore a crew cut) It was very scary for me as well as quite wobbly. Great memory.
I don't know how the font was changed. The computer did all on its own. I guess there could be a slight possibility that I hit a key. Oh well. I am technically challenged.
Gary has been holding his own these days. He still struggles with leg pain off and on. I do have to admit, even with that being told, he can ride circles around me on the bicycle. It seems like old times. He would ride ahead and look back and see that I was quite some distance behind him. He would come back and say sorry for ditching me and then ride around and around me, until I would complain that he was making me nervous. Well, he is once again doing that. I look at this as progress and a great gift from God! I can hardly move when we get home and I am pretty sure Gary is not riding as far as he could because he knows I am spent. He does have his limitations. I think one of his biggest issues is hydrating with water. He does not like to have to go to the bathroom. This is his biggest complaint when I give him grief for his lack of hydration. We need to continue to encourage him to drink water to work the radiation poisoning out of his system. I know that, even after two years, I still am working out the chemo and radiation that I was exposed to. Also, we are not, unfortunately as young as we once were and it takes us longer to heal.
Gary also has struggles with his side and ribs after he rides the sports rider. I am struggling with his soreness. I have the doubt and worry creep in to my mind. I have to continuously push it away and put my faith and trust back into my Heavenly Father. It is through Him that we will come through these struggles.
Tai Chi is going great! Unfortunately, Gary was unable to attend tonight, April 30, due to intestinal issues. He awoke with some stomach cramps. We had our smoothies and I went off to GT. He said he ate a peanut butter sandwich for lunch and then his stomach started cramping worse. He then, darn it, was running to the toilet and getting a butt ring. I went to view a house and then came home to get him for Tai Chi. He was still in his jammies and was not up to going. This is the first time he has missed class. I missed last Wednesday because I was with clients.(WooHoo!!) Arthur, our instructor, worked us hard today. My leg was a wobbling. It didn't help that I was sore from riding my bike on Sunday. It was a great class. We are actually starting to look like we might know what we are doing.
My baby kitty has also recovered from whatever it was that made her ill. She has decided she likes eating the can moist food I feed Lucky, our dog. She does not like the canned cat food so much, but begs for me to feed Lucky his canned food, which I only give him occationally. She is very spoiled. I love seeing the two kittens playing and running. They are enjoying the warm weather and are starting to beg to go out back.
Well Gary has come out of the bedroom in search of me. I guess it is almost 11:00. Sleep is hard to come by these days. My mind doesn't want to shut off and I get out of bed about every 2 hours. I am striving to empty my mind and not plan and day(night)dream of things I desire. My husband is alive and that is enough for me.
I hope everyone enjoys these beautiful spring days, rain and all. I wish you baskets of flowers on your door steps when you awake tomorrow. We send out thoughts of laughter and happiness.
Love and Blessings,
Gary and Sue
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
April 10, 2012
Easter blessings to all. He is Risen. Hallelujah!!!!!!!!!!
We went out of town for the Easter Weekend. We gathered with our family and friends,(who we consider our family). I struggled with quite a lot of guilt. I have been raised that I go to church on Holy Thursday, Good Friday and Holy Saturday, and it would be great if we also attended Easter Sunday. As we sped along the freeway on Friday, I wrestled with this guilt. I did not want to disappoint God or anyone else. My interpertation of Good Friday has been to be filled with remorse and guilt because Jesus died for my sins. I have also embraced that I was a sinner for not attending church. I just prayed and prayed that God would direct my thoughts and forgive me for not going to Holy Week Services. I watched the clouds dancing across the beautiful blue sky that God blessed us with. I then started feeling so thankful that God blessed me with my wonderful family. We were together and living. We were embracing the life that Jesus gave us. I asked myself, is this not the gift that Jesus gave us. We need to show our thanksgiving by showing love and compassion to those who cross our path. We need to walk a path of forgiveness when we feel we might have been wronged. Jesus forgives us!
We went to Almo, Idaho. It is near the City of Rocks. Rachel won a gift package to The Outpost Inn, as well as a pass to Pomerelle Ski Area and Durfee Hot Springs. What a fun weekend! Gary actually drove both ways. It is about a 4 hour trip one way. We stopped in Burley to gas up the suburban and then we had to eat at one of our children's most favorite burger joints. We call it AC Greasy, however, I believe the real name is AC Drive In. They have the most delicious white sauce on their burgers that we have not been able to find anywhere else. Their onion rings are pretty delicious as well. We then proceeded the rest of the way to Almo.
The Inn is very nice. Quite surprising as it is tucked away in a very small town. There isn't even a store in Almo. There were 23 of us in our party. We were blessed with much laughter and love. Our son, Ajay, along with our dear friend Ed, his son Chad and another friend, Johnny, entertained us on Saturday night after dinner with a guitar session. A dear friend that I graduated with stopped in with her husband briefly to say hello. It was wonderful to visit, even though it was far too short.
Gary joined in a group that went out farther into the desert and shot some guns. He sure enjoyed himself. It was so wonderful to see the twinkle in his eye from shooting the guns.
Sunday morning, after checking out, we headed home, after first stopping at our wonderful friend's, Tommy and Brenda, where we enjoyed a delicious breakfast. We definately did not lack for food over the weekend. God sure does provide a wonderful bounty! Tommy and Brenda's son Brian took pictures when they attended the benefit in February. They shared those pictures with us this weekend. Gary told me upon arriving home, that Barrie, Tommy and Brenda's daughter, showed him the pictures and he did not like it. He said he looked like he was a walking skeleton. He thought he looked dead. I had to let him know that he did look quite poorly. I also told him that is why I just smile when he talks about his tummy that he now has. It is definately better than not having any meat on his bones.
Gary was very tired upon arriving home. He was hurting also, however, he joined me in going to my sister's house and having Easter dinner with her, my neice Sheila and her boyfriend Will, as well as my parents. We once again were blessed with a bountiful feast. Thank you Cate! Thank you God!! Unfortunately, we had to leave rather early.My stomach had had enough rich, yummy food and it let me know. Gary was hurting quite a lot from the drive. He says it is just muscles that he has not used for awhile. It is amazing how quickly one loses muscle mass. Gary wanted to mow the front lawn on Monday, but I had to encourage him to rest. I wanted him to be able to attend our Tai Chi class. He fixed the lawn mower bag by duck taping the hole. (you know you are a redneck when....) Gary did not have as much pain in his hip Monday night at Tai Chi. That is improvement. He did not get shaky in his legs until the class was almost over, either. Praise God!! We are really liking the class.
Backing up time a bit, Evan, who joined us in Almo, entered a Pond Skim contest at Pomerelle. Pond Skim is when an individual snowboards or skis down part of the ski hill and boards or skis across a water pond and lands on the other side. The rider gets lower and lower on the take off hill until eventually it gets harder to skim the pond. There was one person who ended up getting hurt after landing on the other side. Then another man did not make it across and was the first to get wet. Evan was the second to get wet, but not because he was unable to make it across, but because he chose to superman into the water. What do I mean? Well, he rode down and then launched spread eagle into the water. Brrrrr!!!!! It was quite funny, but a little frightening as well. I thought he was going to his the slope on the other side. He actually won biggest splash as well as two other categories. One of the best things about this contest: Gary walked up the hill to watch. It pained my legs and tired me to walk up, I can only guess how tired he was feeling. Another miracle by the Grace of God. It was another beautiful, sunny day. When the wind died down, it also felt spring-like.
Gary even made me dinner tonight. I was working at the shop, as well as real estate and I had a PEO meeting tonight at 7:00 p.m. I called him right before 5:00p.m. and asked if he could make dinner. It was so nice to come home at 6:15 to a hot delicious meal. I did not have to scurry around trying to make dinner and make my meeting on time. Once again, great improvement in Gary's health and strength.
Well it is getting late and we are tired. Gary walked today. He also worked on getting the pool ready to fire up. It is a nasty, brown scummy pond right now. Yuch! The ducks aren't even landing on it now. I wish everyone a peaceful sleep. Good night, sweet dreams!
Love and Blessings,
Gary and Sue
We went out of town for the Easter Weekend. We gathered with our family and friends,(who we consider our family). I struggled with quite a lot of guilt. I have been raised that I go to church on Holy Thursday, Good Friday and Holy Saturday, and it would be great if we also attended Easter Sunday. As we sped along the freeway on Friday, I wrestled with this guilt. I did not want to disappoint God or anyone else. My interpertation of Good Friday has been to be filled with remorse and guilt because Jesus died for my sins. I have also embraced that I was a sinner for not attending church. I just prayed and prayed that God would direct my thoughts and forgive me for not going to Holy Week Services. I watched the clouds dancing across the beautiful blue sky that God blessed us with. I then started feeling so thankful that God blessed me with my wonderful family. We were together and living. We were embracing the life that Jesus gave us. I asked myself, is this not the gift that Jesus gave us. We need to show our thanksgiving by showing love and compassion to those who cross our path. We need to walk a path of forgiveness when we feel we might have been wronged. Jesus forgives us!
We went to Almo, Idaho. It is near the City of Rocks. Rachel won a gift package to The Outpost Inn, as well as a pass to Pomerelle Ski Area and Durfee Hot Springs. What a fun weekend! Gary actually drove both ways. It is about a 4 hour trip one way. We stopped in Burley to gas up the suburban and then we had to eat at one of our children's most favorite burger joints. We call it AC Greasy, however, I believe the real name is AC Drive In. They have the most delicious white sauce on their burgers that we have not been able to find anywhere else. Their onion rings are pretty delicious as well. We then proceeded the rest of the way to Almo.
The Inn is very nice. Quite surprising as it is tucked away in a very small town. There isn't even a store in Almo. There were 23 of us in our party. We were blessed with much laughter and love. Our son, Ajay, along with our dear friend Ed, his son Chad and another friend, Johnny, entertained us on Saturday night after dinner with a guitar session. A dear friend that I graduated with stopped in with her husband briefly to say hello. It was wonderful to visit, even though it was far too short.
Gary joined in a group that went out farther into the desert and shot some guns. He sure enjoyed himself. It was so wonderful to see the twinkle in his eye from shooting the guns.
Sunday morning, after checking out, we headed home, after first stopping at our wonderful friend's, Tommy and Brenda, where we enjoyed a delicious breakfast. We definately did not lack for food over the weekend. God sure does provide a wonderful bounty! Tommy and Brenda's son Brian took pictures when they attended the benefit in February. They shared those pictures with us this weekend. Gary told me upon arriving home, that Barrie, Tommy and Brenda's daughter, showed him the pictures and he did not like it. He said he looked like he was a walking skeleton. He thought he looked dead. I had to let him know that he did look quite poorly. I also told him that is why I just smile when he talks about his tummy that he now has. It is definately better than not having any meat on his bones.
Gary was very tired upon arriving home. He was hurting also, however, he joined me in going to my sister's house and having Easter dinner with her, my neice Sheila and her boyfriend Will, as well as my parents. We once again were blessed with a bountiful feast. Thank you Cate! Thank you God!! Unfortunately, we had to leave rather early.My stomach had had enough rich, yummy food and it let me know. Gary was hurting quite a lot from the drive. He says it is just muscles that he has not used for awhile. It is amazing how quickly one loses muscle mass. Gary wanted to mow the front lawn on Monday, but I had to encourage him to rest. I wanted him to be able to attend our Tai Chi class. He fixed the lawn mower bag by duck taping the hole. (you know you are a redneck when....) Gary did not have as much pain in his hip Monday night at Tai Chi. That is improvement. He did not get shaky in his legs until the class was almost over, either. Praise God!! We are really liking the class.
Backing up time a bit, Evan, who joined us in Almo, entered a Pond Skim contest at Pomerelle. Pond Skim is when an individual snowboards or skis down part of the ski hill and boards or skis across a water pond and lands on the other side. The rider gets lower and lower on the take off hill until eventually it gets harder to skim the pond. There was one person who ended up getting hurt after landing on the other side. Then another man did not make it across and was the first to get wet. Evan was the second to get wet, but not because he was unable to make it across, but because he chose to superman into the water. What do I mean? Well, he rode down and then launched spread eagle into the water. Brrrrr!!!!! It was quite funny, but a little frightening as well. I thought he was going to his the slope on the other side. He actually won biggest splash as well as two other categories. One of the best things about this contest: Gary walked up the hill to watch. It pained my legs and tired me to walk up, I can only guess how tired he was feeling. Another miracle by the Grace of God. It was another beautiful, sunny day. When the wind died down, it also felt spring-like.
Gary even made me dinner tonight. I was working at the shop, as well as real estate and I had a PEO meeting tonight at 7:00 p.m. I called him right before 5:00p.m. and asked if he could make dinner. It was so nice to come home at 6:15 to a hot delicious meal. I did not have to scurry around trying to make dinner and make my meeting on time. Once again, great improvement in Gary's health and strength.
Well it is getting late and we are tired. Gary walked today. He also worked on getting the pool ready to fire up. It is a nasty, brown scummy pond right now. Yuch! The ducks aren't even landing on it now. I wish everyone a peaceful sleep. Good night, sweet dreams!
Love and Blessings,
Gary and Sue
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