The Celebration

We celebrated Gary's life on May 12, 2012. 

What a beautiful day God blessed us with!  The day dawned with bright sunshine and just the right temperature. Slightly warm, but kissed with a breeze.  My backyard was beautiful and showed the full Glory of God's nature.  Thanks to family and friends, the lawn was mowed, weeds were pulled, piles of junk were dumped, flowers planted, pool worked on and cleaned. I/we are so blessed to have such wonderful love and support.

We received many beautiful bouquets of flowers which added more spring beauty.  My wisteria was in full bloom and was so gorgeous.  The kids brought a fooz ball table to encourage laughter and fun, which was what Gary embraced. He knew how to live. I miss him and his zest for adventure. I miss his voice, his warmth, and most definately his sense of humor.  The house is so quiet.

Friends and family supplied delicious food for all who attended the celebration. It was wonderful to bask in the love, support and strength of everyone God has blessed us by bringing into our lives.

My family and I enjoyed the stories that were shared about Gary. I learned a few new things. I know it was difficult for some who stood in front of so many individuals and talked into a micrphone to give us a glimpse into who Gary was in your life.  When I stood by a few and wrapped my arms around you, I felt your shaking.  Thank you for honoring my husband.  I thank you for your strength in telling your story. It brought Gary closer to us, when we know he is so far, yet also so near.  It released some of our pain to be able to laugh and cry with all of our loved ones.

We had people tell us they saw Gary there with us. I know this is true. He was there, laughing with us all. I can envision his quiet, soft laugh. His lopsided smile, looking innocent, pointing to himself and saying, who me, when being tattled on. 

The days after God called him home, were somewhat of a blur.  Monday night did not offer much rest, just disbelief.  Tuesday was horrendous and full of no's, this isn't happening, just a nightmare.  I ended up taking an ambien that night. I felt like I needed assistance getting at least an hour of rest.  I came out of my bathroom and found Rachel curled up crying on the end of Gary's side of our bed.  I crawled up beside her to offer comfort, support and love.  We cried for awhile. The next thing I knew, I awoke confused.  It was around midnight.  I was so disoriented. I just layed down.  I had guests in my house, how rude of me.  I sat up and there was a figure under the covers on Gary's side of the bed.  I had a moment of  "oh my gosh, what a horrible dream I just woke up from, Gary is not dead, he is alive, laying there sleeping".  How wrong I was.  Rachel had crawled up and under the covers.  I just cried and crawled into bed beside her and had sporradic sleep the rest of the night. Not that unusual.  I am usually awake between 2:00 and 2:30 a.m. Then 4:00 to 4:30 a.m. 6:00 to 6:20 was Gary's awake time, so that is normal time to wake up to make sure he would be getting his start to the day.
I asked Zach on Wednesday what time people went home and why they didn't wake me up.  He said Rachel and I had passed out and were in a deep sleep. No one wanted to disturb us, including, Josh, Rachel's husband.  He just left her sleeping and went home.

Thursday was hard.  I snuck to the morturary to spend alone time with Gary's body.  I wanted to plead to him, to God, for him to wake up. Climb off the table and come home.  Gary would be such a great disciple for God. Why wouldn't God bring him back.  God could.  I guess he has other plans for Gary. My time with Gary was cut far too short. Even now, I find it hard to accept as reality that he is not with us. My heart aches non stop, yet, I have feelings of such joy that Gary is now in my Heavenly Father's Kingdom. He is surrounded by the ultimate warmth of God's Love.  Why can't I be there with Gary, now?

Friday, I was screaming inside.  All I could think about was that my husband's physical body was going away. I struggled every second.   Saturday, Gary came home...., in a small black box.   Isn't he just on a business trip? This can't be reality, can it?   The kids sat together on the couch and stickered the box that held what was left of their father.  How proud I am of their strength and unity.  They used the artistic talent they inherited from their father and created a masterpiece that Gary would be satisfied with.  Gary loved stickers. Yes, the majority of his stickers were red, black and white. They represented the motorized toys that he so enjoyed, or the activities that brought him great joy.  We all picked out pictures of Gary to enlarge that would give people a glimpse of who he was and what he valued.  We had a slide show going also that showed who my man was. How he embraced this life God gave him.     Saturday was so bittersweet.  It was a celebration, a party, yet also a formal good bye.  We did enjoy the day and kept laughter flowing into the night.  It is unfortunate that it sometimes takes such a sad event to bring together loved ones who life keeps apart for months, even years, because it is so fast paced.

Sunday brought us to Mother's Day.  I know Gary's mom had sadness in her soul with her son being called to heaven and unable to enjoy the day with us.  Gary had been looking so forward to starting a new relationship with his parents. He was excited that they moved to Boise. Gary told me he liked the idea of getting to know his dad in a new way. We started the day with a brunch at their new home.  After enjoying a delicious meal, we said our good byes to Gary's brothers' and their families. They were heading back to Wyoming, and one went back to Twin Falls. He has two brothers who live in Kuna and a sister who lives near Eagle.  Cousin/brother Ron and his wife Gayle live near us.   My kids and I then headed to Meridian to spend some time with my mom and dad, as well as my sister, one of her daughters, my older brother and his family from Vancouver, Wa. and my younger brother and his family from Minnesota.  I was feeling a little under the weather, so we only stayed for a couple of hours.  We left and I came home and took a nap.   Rachel and Josh graciously invited me to dinner.  Tim and Christie and their children(Minnesota) joined.  We ordered Chinese.  After dinner, we played a game of hide and seek outside. It was difficult to embrace the laughter and living, but it is what Gary would want and expect us to do.

Monday. Hard to believe and accept it has been a week, only a week, but seeming much longer.  I had my normal interrupted sleep pattern Sunday night.  Rachel called me at 8:20 a.m.  She asked if she woke me? I told her no, I was awake, just laying in bed, struggling with what my new normal was going to be..  She told me she needed a sense of normalcy.  We always talk as she drives to school.  We said our good byes when she arrived at Christine Donnell, School of the Arts.  I fell asleep.  Gary came to me.  I saw him looking in the kitchen window. He was smiling.  I was calling to him to stay, don't go.  I was trying to get to the slider to get outside and grab hold of him.  I was unable to get to him, I awoke to Zach calling out to me that someone was at the door, knocking.  It was my brother Jim and his wife Lynn, coming to tell me good bye. They were heading back to Vancouver.  We visitied for a short time and then said our good byes.   I am so numb, but must show life.