It is amazing that as we walk through life we tend to also clutter our life. Time moves so swiftly as we get caught up into living that we do not always realize that we hold on to material things that have little value, that is, until we slow down, or a life event forces us to stop and truly look around. I realize there are those individuals that are able to minimize their possessions, however, I have not been one of those people. We had been so busy working on our auto repair shop, my real estate career and then playing hard on the weekends since 1996(shop), that our home garage and our shop became piled with boxes full of things. A good majority of the things I stored away were clothes that the kids grew out of as well as clothes I thought would come back into style. Gary stored car parts. I have been going through boxes since June. I am so very tired, exhausted, mentally and emotionally. I rented a storage unit in to store boxes that I have been going through in order to clean out the side of the shop that we are moving out of. I have been throwing things away. There are a lot of clothing that I have been bringing home, washing and reboxing. I have also been working on my garage at home. I must confess, I am sick of boxes, sick of doing laundry.
I was working on getting out of the one side of the shop by June. Did not happen. July came and went. Finally, as August says good bye, I am almost out. There are some metal shelving left as well as a couple of benches. We had two hoists taken down. The newer one of the two was moved to replace the hoist that Gary always used. Gary had wanted this done for some time, so I handled it. I now am striving to sell the other hoist. There is nothing wrong with it, however, it was just not as large as the one that replaced it.
I had been taking boxes to the sorage unit every night. I have been pretty bruised from moving the large boxes. The heat was zapping me. I have been pretty wiped out lately. I do not like to get dirty, however, it has been happening. I try to remember to put on my apron to save my clothes from becoming ruined and then I will put on my gardening gloves. Justin asked me one day if I was cooking or gardening. Justin, Ajay, Zach, Rachel, Josh, Jessica, Jake, Andrea, Jaime, Kimmee and Tanner came down on a Saturday, mid August and used the heister to bring boxes down from above my office and load them into pickups and a trailer and move them to the storage unit. It was so heart warming to have the help and support. We were done in 2 hours. Wow!! A big thank you to them all.
My garage has been quite challenging. I have only made it about a fourth of the way through. I guess that is progress, however, I am discontent with how long it is taking me. I have been fighting a war against mice. My sweet kitties are great mousers. They are extremely quick in catching them. I had one box that had three mice in them. It was a box full of video game equipment. Yes, I have been squealing at times. Sometimes the mice surprise me and I let out a scream and then I go find the girls and they tend to take care of the problem for me. The kittens are learning to stay close to me and wait. They also are able to hear the disgusting critters and alert me to what box they are in. I have also gotten smart enough to keep the door to the house closed so the girls are unable to bring the mice into the house. Friday after work I proceeded to get Minuet to catch a mouse that kept evading capture. Unfortunately, it did not get caught. Saturday I spent several hours pulling items out into the back yard. It looked like the garage puked onto the lawn. Sunday, I was able to clear the lawn and organize a section of the garage. I am still fighting huge piles of things needing washed. If the items do not come out clean, I am actually throwing them out. This is big for me. I have found I am a hoarder. I plan on having a yard sale. I am striving to have it late September or sometime in October. I am going to call it a Fall sale. I think the hardest part of all the de-cluttering is knowing what to do with all of Gary's things. He was a hoarder as well, he just hoarded items that had to do with cars. The amazing thing about Gary's hoarding was that he knew what he had and could pretty much find something even after 15 years. We have had some laughter, even while crying, at some of the things Gary has saved. He was a fabricater. He could build brackets and other things out of metal to fix cars. The world definately has lost a master mechanic/technician.
We celebrated Rachel's 27th birthday on August 16. Once again, the hole in our hearts left by Gary's passing was exposed and the pain from the void was agonizing. We had a softball game on that day, which helped keep our minds occupied. We decorated the dugout and enjoyed dirt cake after the game, which we won. Yay!! Way to go Team Bangarang.
God blessed me with four closed real estate transaction in August. I have a transaction that should close this first week of September. Unfortunately, I do not have any other transactions lined up as yet. I am working on a couple of possibilities though. If you hear of someone needing real estate assistance I humbly request the opportunity to interview for the honor of working with a new client. I do enjoy meeting new people and helping them with their real estate needs.
I had my mammogram in early August. I was not supposed to have another mammo until next August, however, they want me to have one in February. They saw a couple of very small spots that they just want to watch. The doctors believe they are just calcium spots due to the healing from surgery. I also have Lymphedema. My left arm, hand and sometimes fingers swell up. If you have ever watched the movie, "Big Trouble in Little China", my arm swells up like one of the bad guys body does when he becomes angry cuz the big bad character, his boss, gets destroyed. There are times when it is somewhat painful, but mostly it is just annoying. The docs want me to have physical therapy. They say it will help. I will go to a couple of sessions and check it out, but if it does not help, I am going to stop. I am so tired of having endless medical bills. Honestly, I feel as though the doctors/therapists sometimes take advantage of a patient and have the patient come to more appointments than necessary. My example is my first therapy session. They told me to block 2 hours for the appointment. I spent the majority of the two hours sitting in a room waiting. I had my blood pressure taken three times because it was quite high. Then I had two people ask me about what I had filled out on the form. Then I had the actual therapist mark my arm with a marker and take measurements. While the assistant did the math on the measurements, the therapist told me to read all the paperwork in the folder she was giving me, then she re-configured the measurements that the assistant did not figure correctly. The therapist then told me the difference between my two arms and told me she was starting therapy on Thursday, the 6th of September. No therapy was done, even though I had been told I would have therapy duing that session. I also informed all personel from the get go that money was scarce and a concern for me. I paid for a two hour waste of my time. I am not impressed.
I went to Arrowrock with Rachel and Josh today. We had a great time. It was a beautiful day. My heart hurts. The last time we had gone there was with Gary and the boat. We know he was there in spirit, but I want more. I keep hoping I will wake up from this nightmare. I want my husband back. Please God?
August 4th, the kids and I went to Cascade for Jordan Chess and Kathleen Wilson's wedding. This was also a bittersweet time. Last time there was with Gary. I was still recovering and did not travel well. I ended up sick and sleeping on the couch while Gary, Sandy and Larry did things. The wedding was beautiful and it was great to be with family/friends, but the lack of Gary's presence was definately felt by all who knew him. Every where we looked we had a memory of something Gary did.
My kids keep asking me if I am okay. They tell me they don't want me to leave. They say they can't loose me as well. I tell them that I am not going anywhere, but if God did call me home, I have to admit, I would rejoice. It is difficult to keep telling people I/we are okay. What choice do we have? Life keeps going every second. It ticks away. Besides, people really do not want to hear that we struggle. Every day is difficult. There are still quite a few people who do not know Gary has passed into God's Kingdom.
I send out wishes to all for a wonderful September. I encourage positive energy and patience each day. Pass on a smile even when negativity fights for your attention. Our world and those living in it need love and kindness. There are so many people fighting hardships that sometimes just a smile and a kind word can lift them up and make a huge difference. Take a moment to watch a sunrise or a sunset or to even smell a pretty flower, all the while thanking God for each day.
Love and blessings,
Sue
